I’m Too Sexy For My Toothbrush

18 Oct

We haven’t had much talk here on the Random Chick Blog about sex lately so let’s remedy that, shall we?

The other day The Hubby wanted to dash off to the bedroom whilst the children were watching a kiddie program. Normally this would have been fine with me, but I’ve been having this problem lately. I feel about as sexy as a toothbrush. Not just any toothbrush either, one that has been used over and over again to try and get the bits of food out of the crevices and corners of your mouth. It is frayed and looking quite sad actually.

The Dilemma

How can I possibly get into a romp in the hay with The Hubby while feeling like an old toothbrush? Most people know that for a woman, sex and everything to do with it is all in her head. If you don’t know this and you are someone who wants to have sex with a woman, you’re going to be waiting a while. The Hubby knows this but he is a man. He can only do so much. It’s up to me to do something about it.

The Extraneous Matter

I know I’m not alone. Lots of my women friends feel the same way. After a long day at work, shuttling kids around to and fro, attempting to cook something healthy that resembles food, coaching the kids with homework, and cleaning up the mess, the last thing on your mind is sex. All you want to do is flop on the couch and watch a bunch of reality show idiots remind you that your life is not that lame. You think to yourself, maybe a glass of wine will help you unwind. Maybe your spouse or partner will rub your feet or tell you that you’re beautiful and possibly, perhaps, there might be a chance you’ll feel a spark of something…

The Conclusion?

If you’re lucky, your spouse or partner will have a wee bit more energy than you do and will attempt some foreplay rather than diving directly for the brass ring. Women. Need. Foreplay. I do not know how to say this any clearer. It takes us a while to shake off the Mommy, Driver, Servant, Referee, Detective, Judge/and Jury roles and get into something more comfortable. The brass ring is a little more difficult to reach but it’s worth it once you get it. Trust me. If you’re unlucky, your spouse or partner will make a grab for it without any preparation. Then it’s all over. The wine you had earlier finally kicks in and you’re sawing Zs faster than he can get his pants down.

I know I need to take responsibility for my sexiness. But I’m too tired most of the time. Maybe I need to see a sex therapist or I need more caffeine. I’m not sure which.

What do you do to feel sexy? Are you too tired? Got any ideas for a woman who has run out of her own? I could certainly use some!!


11 Responses to “I’m Too Sexy For My Toothbrush”

  1. Donn Coppens 10/18/2010 at 11:57 AM #

    Might I refer you to the immortal words of Lady Hillingdon who wrote this timeless advice back in 1912;
    “When I hear his steps outside my door I lie down on my bed, open my legs and think of England.”

    • Random Chick 10/18/2010 at 12:24 PM #

      I can honestly say I’ve never tried that before. I’ll think about it and get back to you…

  2. Norville Rogers 10/18/2010 at 1:52 PM #

    Wow…I like Donn’s idea! Think about it, think about it 🙂

    Good to know we can share EVERYTHING with everyone 🙂


    • Random Chick 10/18/2010 at 2:24 PM #

      The whole thing about blogging is transparency. Duh!!

  3. MJ 10/19/2010 at 2:14 AM #

    Lie back and watch as hubby does the housework.

    A guaranteed turn on!

  4. wordwanderlust 10/19/2010 at 12:32 PM #

    Loved this! However, I’m single, and a toothbrush just won’t do.

    • Random Chick 10/19/2010 at 1:30 PM #

      Good for you! Don’t settle. Now, can you give me some advice?? BTW, thank you for stopping by my blog!

  5. meleah rebeccah 10/19/2010 at 4:40 PM #

    Amen to that. I need foreplay, wine and a foot massage before I will even consider rolling in the hay!

    • Random Chick 10/19/2010 at 5:06 PM #

      I just realized after I read your comment that I spelled “hey” wrong. Geez. Hi Meleah!!!

  6. Megan 10/21/2010 at 7:19 PM #

    I have no input on this but it was damn funny!

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